Some things change and some things will always stay the same. I have always known this to be true. Some things change for the best and some times things change for the worst. Fate and your choices make the changes... either way.
Funny.... one thing I have never really been afraid of is change. There is a certain kind of hopefulness to it. Everyday you wake up and you have the ability to make it a good day or a bad day. You choose who and what you want to be. You alone make choices that invoke change... good or bad.
I've said before , I don't do guilt... Guilt is a useless emotion... You can't take back something that has been said or done. You can learn from it and move on and in doing so it can change you for better or worse but it doesn't change what happened.
Now, as my blog name states, I am far from perfect. I admit to being irreverent, inappropriate, opinionated, loud, passionate in my beliefs, I fight for what and whom I believe in. I love with intensity and hate with the same intensity. I am a bitch and I own it!! I don't believe in censoring who and what I am to make people (family or friends) happy or comfortable. I lived that way far too long and I won't go back to that version of myself.
I was aware that starting this blog was going to bring up long buried issues for myself and for certain people. I told those involved in my past what I was going to do and say so they weren't shocked or taken unaware. I promised all of you uncensored and unvarnished truth of my life. Balancing both is difficult but I'm not stopping.
This is mine... this blog, the group page and yet it's also all of yours... I won't change what I'm doing because I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I always used to ask why bad things happened to me etc etc... Now, I feel like my writing this blog, telling my story and letting other people know they aren't alone is the reason why. I feel like this is my purpose. To talk and keep talking and keep fighting. Everyday is a fight for those who live in hell or those who have made it out. We all have suffered something only we understand... Only we know what it's like to fight towards the good and not end up going backwards.
All in all I'm doing my best to be a good person and yes, sometimes I fuck up. I am not perfect... I make mistakes... But I'm honest... I don't pull punches. I make no excuses... I am me, the imperfect little girl who grew up into an imperfect woman, against all odds. I'm by no means done with my journey, I still have a long way to go. I'm doing the best I can. No apologies and no excuses... I own my choices and my mistakes(for the good or bad). Life is too fucking short for anything less. If it isn't good enough for some people I can't do anything about that. The people who know and love me, know who I am and who I am trying to become and that is good enough for me.
I guess what I've been trying to say is that you should never feel like you need to change or censor yourself for others. Own the person you are and push towards who you want to become. Remember your past and learn from it. Choose to be happy...
Hope this made sense... All the meds from my bronchitis are kind of making me feel off...
Anyhow, love ya my bitches!!
~LilBitch
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